


i have these new fears i carry with me, so you can feel stronger, so you can feel peace

by themuses



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Keith's Official Vlog (Voltron), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13058058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themuses/pseuds/themuses
Summary: Keith didn't even want to make a vlog in the first place. He only did it for Lance's smile. Somehow, he ends up getting way too emotional for something he didn't even want to do.





	i have these new fears i carry with me, so you can feel stronger, so you can feel peace

**Author's Note:**

> so, i've had this half finished sitting in my google docs since keith's vlog, and now i decided to finish it?? i'm late to the keith vlog fics party but here this is

Keith hates the idea of the vlogs. He hardly wants to share things about himself to the people he  _ already  _ knows. Why would he want to share things about himself for people he doesn't?

 

But he goes along with it. Coran is excited, talking in metaphors, no one but Allura could possibly understand. Hunk is smiling, ready to vlog about how he used to cook with his moms. Allura smiles, and of course says yes, because Coran wants to and he's  _ excited _ . Shiro and Pidge even have small smiles on their faces. 

 

Lance though, his smile could put the sun to shame. And that's why Keith  _ really _ goes along with it. He hasn't seen his boyfriend smile so freely at something so mundane in a long time.

 

So here he is. Talking to a camera. All because his boyfriend’s smile could rival the fucking sun.

 

Lance is observing, per Keith's request. His presence is a constant warmth, reminding Keith he can do this. 

 

On the other hand, he has  _ no idea  _ how this works. He should've asked Lance for pointers.

 

He starts with: “I'm Keith. The pilot of the Black Lion,” He takes a deep breaths, looks to Lance, and says under his breath, “what should I say?”

 

Lance mouths,  _ whatever feels right _ and gives him a thumbs up. Then proceeds to make his hands into a heart. 

 

Keith hopes the camera doesn't capture him blushing.

 

“I'm a paladin. I fly the Black Lion.” He groans, and throws his hands in the air. “I-I said that already.”  _ Dammit, Lance distracting me _ . “See that's why I'm bad at this. What else am I supposed to tell you?”

 

He still sees absolutely zero point to this. But he sees Lance’s encouraging smile in the corner of his eye and  _ that's what he's doing it for _ . He's doing this for that beautiful boy who's been encouraging him in ways he never could have imagined.

 

He continues on, “Okay, um, I guess I am part Galra.” Keith grabs his knife from his hip, fiddles with it and thinks back to the mission with Hunk. How differently he was seen  _ just  _ because they found out this new piece of information. He is still the same Keith, really, nothing about him has changed. They only acquired new information. It isn't like he  _ magically _ now has Galra genes. “I guess being part Galra is a big deal.”

 

He slides his gloved fingers over the cold metal. “Might explain why I was never really good at connecting… with people.” Keith hesitates on the last few words, as he remembers his audience. But it's Lance, his presence is soothing, it washes over him in gentle waves. 

 

Thinking of Lance makes him think back to a time when he couldn't connect with him: the Voltron cheer. “I still don't understand why I wouldn't just say Voltron,” He throws his arms in the air, a little frustrated. “I-It’s so much faster. One person says it, right? Done.” He pounds his fist on the table. “I say Voltron and then the chant is over. It doesn't have to be complicated!”

 

Keith feels the guilt rush through his veins when he sees Lance flinch in the corner of his eye at his explosion. He had promised him he'd work on his anger, try to stay calm and collected, for the sake of the team, and well to also better himself as a person. “I am  _ so _ sorry. I am  _ so _ sorry,” He mostly says this to Lance which he hopes he gets the message,  “I guess I have a bit of a temper, so—”

 

He thinks to when he  _ threatened a king _ . He held the guy with a bayard to his throat, he may have deserved it, but it wasn't the right call. Or when Pidge wanted to leave the castle to find her family. Keith said so many horrible things to her. 

 

How did anyone on this damn ship tolerate him?

 

He looks down at his hands, “I don't know why I'm that way.” Why he jumps to anger, to distrust, to automatically throwing up walls… ”Maybe I'm naturally untrusting because my mom left me… and so instead of accepting people into my life, I push them away before they reject me.” He closes his eyes, he cannot say this to the blinking light. “I guess I have some walls up.”

 

His eyes start to sting with unshed tears.  _ No, no, no.  _ He cannot cry, he refuses to. He told himself he wouldn't. He didn't even want to get this personal, he didn't even want to do this stupid fucking vlog.

 

He drags his hand down his face, slams his hands down on the table. “I'm outta here, okay! Get me out of here!”

 

He hangs his hand down, ashamed.  _ God, what does Lance think. _

 

“I'm out of here,” He pushes himself up, walks out of frame. “I said I wouldn't cry!”

 

He really didn't mean to say the last part out loud. Now, Lance is looking at him, his eyes wide and sympathetic. He has the  _ someone kicked his puppy  _ look plastered on his face and Keith can't take it.

 

They lock eyes, and Keith can feel Lance’s eyes burning into his soul. He bolts.

 

He hears Lance yell after him, “Keith!” But he doesn't stop, he runs, runs, runs.

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Lance has searched the obvious places for Keith: the training deck, Keith’s room,  _ his own  _ room, the main observation deck, the living room, the swimming pool even! 

 

Lance is losing his mind. He wants to comfort his boyfriend, dammit. He's never seen him let down his walls like that before for an audience.

 

After wandering for what seems like  _ ages _ , he finally hears some sniffling, and makes turns towards the sound. 

 

And there's Keith, knees up to his chest, head buried in his knees, sitting in the bay-window-like structure of another observation deck Lance fails to remember. He thought him and Keith had found they all.

 

“Keith?” 

 

The boy in question barely lifts his head and turns to look at Lance. There's tears running down his face like rivers, and his nose is pink. 

 

Lance’s heart breaks at the sight. He'd do anything to live in a perfect world where Keith was always smiling and happy.

 

“A-Are you okay?” Lance knows it's a stupid question. Keith is visibly,  _ very not okay _ . But Lance doesn't know what to start with, he needs to say something, and it's all he could think of in the moment.

 

Keith sniffs, and a small choked sob leaves his throat. Lance immediately throws himself forward, pulling Keith into a hug. He melts into Lance, holding him back just as tightly. Lance knows Keith can hold his own, but right now he has never wanted to protect him more. If it was up to him? No one would ever hurt or leave Keith again.

 

“Oh, Keith…” Lance rubs Keith’s back. “I would  _ never _ leave you like she did.” 

 

Keith makes a  _ hmph _ sound, like he doesn't believe him. Well, that hurts like getting shot with a bayard it rips into his chest and leaves this gaping hole. Does Keith really not believe that Lance wants him more than anything, that Lance loves him more than there are stars in the sky? But he also knows how it feels to feel this low, to feel insecure.

 

Instead of picking a fight, he says gently, “Keith, I would never leave you.”

 

Keith pulls back, and looks Lance in the eyes. He takes a deep breath, lets it out. “Maybe not voluntarily.”

 

He says it so softly, Lance almost misses it.

 

“I can promise not voluntarily. I don't want to leave you, you're my whole world, amor,” He strokes Keith's hair and plants a kiss on his forehead. “But we're also fighting a  _ war _ , Keith. There's some sacrifices that have to be made… I want to be here with you for as long as I can.”

 

Keith sniffles, “I do too.”

 

“Good.”

 

Keith nuzzles into Lance’s collarbone. “Hey, Lance?”

 

“Yeah, babe?”

 

Keith blindly grabs for Lance's hand and squeezes tightly. “I love you, so much.”

 

Lance grins into Keith's hair. “I love you so much, too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

BONUS:

 

Allura stumbles upon them asleep first. She immediately finds the rest of the castles inhabitants. 

 

“You all must come immediately!” 

 

They're all skeptical at first, because when Allura wants to show you something it's usually some weird Altean thing. But when they come upon Keith laying on top of Lance, both of them asleep, it's the softest they've ever seen their current Black Paladin.

 

Hunk immediately starts cooing. Coran chirps something about  _ young love  _ and some Altean metaphor. Shiro looks on with a smile on his face, he's happy for his little brother.

 

“Oh. My. God. Allura, you should've told me to bring my camera,” Pidge hisses.

 

“Why?” 

 

“Blackmail material! Do you see Keith right now? He looks like a kitten!”

 

Lance peeks an eye open, “He's about to be an angry kitten if you don't shut up.” 

 

Pidge crosses her arms. “You aren't scary, Lance.” 

 

Keith rubs his eyes, looking even more like a kitten,  _ somehow _ , and Pidge mutters, “Oh shit,” before taking off down the hall.

 

“Who woke me up.”

 

“The gremlin, babe,” Lance says in the cheeriest voice and plants a kiss on his cheek. “She ran.”

 

Keith shrugs his shoulders and buries back into Lance.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
